Types of Irony

While walking home from work, Lake Park Mall security guard Scott Thornton thought about his day. A shoplifter had outrun him, he had lost the keys to his golf cart, and a group of skateboarders had made fun of his weight. Things had not gone so well. Scott was so deep in thought that he did not even notice that he had stumbled on a movie set. Lost in thought, he passed by trailers, cameras, and stagehands, yet he was unaware of the scene around him. When he came out of his daze, he looked up and saw a ski mask wearing man waving a knife at an old lady. Figuring that the masked man was robbing the old woman, Scott bolted into action. His adrenaline was flowing. He didn't even notice the cameraman filming him as he jump kicked the actor wearing the ski mask.

As soon as Bobby heard that the math test was going to be worth 30% of his grade, he began studying. He studied in class. He studied on the bus ride home. He even tried to study while walking home from the bus but stopped after bumping into a lamppost. When he got home, he didn't watch any TV because he was studying so intensely. He completed the study guide that Mr. Morris gave him and then he completed one that he had made himself. Bobby refused to quit. He stayed awake all night finding and completing extra problems on the Internet. By the time the sun rose, Bobby had mastered the content. As he entered the classroom, he felt prepared. He sharpened his pencil, sat at his desk, put his head down, fell asleep, and failed his test.

I thought that my mother was going to flip when Perry came over to eat at our house. To my surprise she just ignored him, even though he wore his hat, put his elbows on the table, and rocked back in his chair. I thought that she would go crazy while we ate. Perry pulled bones out of his mouth and put them on his plate instead of spitting them into a napkin. To my astonishment Mom looked past this too. But when Perry slammed a glass of root beer and burped the ABCs, she could no longer restrain herself. "What a wonderful rendition of the alphabet, Perry, and how age appropriate? I'm impressed." Perry wore a confused look, unsure of what her reaction had meant.

When the first English settlers arrived at Jamestown, hygiene was not a priority. The settlers faced many challenges. Food was scarce and the land was unsuitable for farming. Worse still, relations with Native Americans were uneasy and violence loomed. Yet even in these conditions, some settlers found time to care for their teeth. They did this by brushing their teeth with rags and abrasive tooth powders. Archaeologists have examined the remains of these colonists. They discovered that many of the settlers were missing the enamel on their teeth. By using these tooth powders, the settlers had striped this protective layer from their teeth. This caused their teeth to decay and fall out prematurely.

Kathy had never considered herself to be good with animals until she got a goldfish. Taking care of fish is easy. You only have to feed them once a day. Kathy thought to herself, as she put the bottle of goldfish food down by a bottle of rat poison. Kathy went on to have a productive day. When Kathy woke up the next day, she went to grab the bottle of fish food when her cell phone rang. Wondering who it could be, Kathy grabbed the bottle of rat poison instead of the fish food and did not notice it. The phone call turned out to be from her friend Mary. Kathy loved to talk with Mary. As she was chitchatting away, she unscrewed the top of the rat poison bottle. It was about the same size as the bottle of fish food. "Oh, Mary, that's outrageous," Kathy said as she shook the bottle of rat poison into the fish tank. "He did?" She asked, as she put the top back on the rat poison bottle and put it down next to the fish food. “How could she?” She asked before going about with her day.

As Harold carried his lunch tray passed Chuck, the school bully, Chuck stuck his foot into the aisle and attempted to trip Harold. Harold expected such an obstruction. He sidestepped around Chuck’s leg saying, “Excuse me, Chuck, my fault entirely.” Harold then continued back to his table and began eating his lunch. Chuck felt offended that Harold had not tripped and fallen on his food, so he marched back to Harold’s table to put him in his place. Dipping his finger into Harold’s school lunch, Chuck said, “What are you eating, puke?” Harold replied nervously, “Yes, well, I think that’s what they serve here. Only the best for us students, right? Anyway, you’re welcome to it.” Chuck sneered and stuck his finger into Harold’s chest, “I don’t want any of your puke, Puke. Next time you fall when I trip you.” He removed his finger from Harold’s chest, grabbed Harold’s cupcake from off of his lunch tray, and walked back to his table. “Good bye, Chuck. It’s always a pleasure seeing you.” He then released a sigh and ate around the fingerprint that Chuck had left in his casserole.

Bram hated his roommate Keith's dog. Bram resented how Keith didn't even ask him before he got the dog. Keith just came home one night with a dog. Now Bram shared his living space with a furry, poorly trained pest. The dog was not potty trained. It barked hours on end for no reason. It bothered Bram's guests by jumping and slobbering on them. Bram tolerated all this because he was a good roommate and Keith was his friend. Then Bram came home from work one day and found that Keith's dogs had chewed up Bram's limited edition shoes. Bram snapped. "Keith, do you know what your really awesome dog did? He tore up my favorite shoes. Thank you so much. I didn't want those anyway." Keith came from his room looking confused and upset. Bram continued, "Oh, I never said 'thank you,' by the way, for surprising me with this really well-behaved dog. I am so pleased to share my home with him!" Bram was shouting now. Keith grabbed his dog by the color and slowly backed him into his bedroom.

Moving to a new school had been tough for Janie, but things were finally turning around. She was making friends and she even received an invitation to Angie's pool party. There was one problem: Janie didn't know how to swim. Janie felt like admitting this might risk her new friendships. So she decided to go to the party and pretend like she knew how to swim. The first hour of the party went by swimmingly. Janie floated on a large raft and gossiped with the other girls. Then the girls started doing cannonballs and dives. Bridget did a jackknife. Angie did a can-opener. Now all eyes were on Janie. Bridget started teasing her, "Let's see what you can do, Brainy Janie!" Janie didn't know how to respond. Then Angie egged her on, "Come on, Janie. Do a flip!" Janie felt this tremendous pressure building, so she paddled to the edge of the pool and climbed out. How hard could it be? Janie thought. Angie and the other girls couldn't wait to see what kind of wild jump Janie would attempt. Little did they know how wild things were going to get.

Brandon was an adult when he found out that he had been adopted. It came as quite a shock. He spent his whole life thinking that the world was one way when in fact it there was another layer to it. As much as he loved and cherished his adoptive parents, he wanted to find his biological mother. So he contacted the adoption agency, but her information wasn't listed. He had a few clues and he followed them up, but they led to one dead-end after another. Brandon became obsessed. Sparing no expense, he employed a world-class detective. After many months of searching, the renowned detective came up empty-handed. Brandon never quit though. He spent years and piles of money scouring the world for clues to his birth mother's identity. Finally his efforts paid a return. He discovered that she was living right down the street from his house, just around the corner.

Axel was the toughest kid on the playground. He wore a leather jacket with cutoff sleeves and metal studs on the shoulders. He had a Mohawk hairstyle, listened to punk rock music, and hung out with the older kids. He rode his skateboard to school and did noseslides on the bike rack. He viciously beat anyone who challenged him. Yet, after a long day of being really tough, Axel's mommy tucked him into bed at night. Then he snuggled up tightly with a fluffy pink bear that he called Mr. Tickles.