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Chicken gun
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chicken gun comicsName: Marco Ramirez - “I Am Not Batman” TW: language It’s the middle of the night. And the sky is glowing like mad radioactive red. And if you squint, you could maybe see the moon through a thick layer of cigarette smoke and airplane exhaust that covers the entire city like mosquito net that won’t let the angels in. And if you look up high enough you could see me-standing on the edge of a eighty seven story building. And up there-a place for gargoyles and broken clock towers that have stayed still and dead for maybe like a hundred years-up there is me. And I’m freakin Batman. And I gots Bat-mobiles and Bat-a-rangs and freakin Bat-caves like for real, and all it takes is a broom closet or a back room or a fire escape and Danny’s hand-me-down jeans are gone. And my navy blue polo shirt? – The one that looks kinda good on me but has a hole on it near the butt from when it got snagged on the chain linked fence behind Arturo’s but it isn’t even a big deal cause I tuck that part in and its like all good? –that blue polo shirt? – It’s gone too. And I get like, like transformational. And nobody pulls out a belt and whips Batman for talking back –-Or for not talking back –And nobody calls Batman simple –- Or stupid –- Or skinny –- And nobody fires Batman’s brother from the Eastern Taxi Company ‘cause they was making cutbacks, neither, ‘cause they got nothing but respect, and not like afraid-respect. Just like respect-respect. ‘Cause nobody’s afraid of you. Cause Batman doesn’t mean nobody harm. Ever. Cause all Batman really wants to do is save people and maybe pay Abuela’s bills one day and die happy and maybe get like mad famous. For real.…And kill the Joker. Tonight, like most nights, I’m all alone. And I’m watching…And I’m waiting… Like a eagle. Or like a –no, yea, like a eagle. And my cape is flappin’ in the wind (‘cause it’s freakin’ long), and my pointy ears are on, and that mask that covers like half my face is on too, and I got like bulletproof stuff all in my chest so no one could hurt me and nobody – nobody – is gonna come between Batman, And Justice. From where I am I could hear everything. Somewhere in the city there’s a old lady picking Styrofoam leftovers up outta a trash can and she’s putting a piece of sesame chicken someone spit out into her own mouth. And somewhere there’s a doctor with a whack haircut in a black lab coat trying to find a cure for the diseases that are gonna make us all extinct for real one day. And somewhere there’s a man, a man in a janitor’s uniform, stumbling home drunk and dizzy after spending half his paycheck on forty-ounce bottles of twist-off beer and the other half on a four hour visit to some lady’s house on a street where the lights have all been shot out by people who’d rather do what they do, in this city, in the dark. And half a block away from JanitorMan there’s a group of good-for-nothings who don’t know no better waiting to beat JanitorMan with rusted bicycle chains and imitation Lousiville Sluggers, and if they don’t find a cent on him – which they won’t – they’ll just pound at him till the muscles in their arms start burning, till there’s no more teeth to crack out. But they don’t count on me. They don’t count on no dark night (with a stomach full of grocery store brand macaroni-and-cheese and cut up Vienna sausages), Cause they’d rather believe I don’t exist, And from eighty-seven stories up I could hear one of the good-for-nothings say “Gimmethecash” real fast (like that) just “Gimmethefuckingcash” and I see JAnitorMan mumble something in drunk language and turn pale and from eighty-seven stories up I could hear his stomach trying to hurl its way out of his Dickies. So I swoop down like and fast and I’m like darkness. I’m like SWOOSH –- And I throw a Bat-a-rang at the one naked lightbulb –- And they’re all like “whoa-motherfucker-who-just-turned-out-the-lights?” –“What’s that over there?” –-“What?” –- “Gimme whatchou got old man” –- “Did anybody hear that?!” –- “No, really” –- “There ain’t. No. Bat.” – But then –- One out of three good-for-nothings gets it to the head! And number Two swings blindly into the dark cape before him but before his fist hits anything I grab a trash can lid and –-- Right into the gut, and number One comes back with a jump-kick but I know judo-karate too so I’m like –-- Twice –-- but before I can do any more damage suddenly we all hear a CLIC – CLIC –And suddenly everything gets quiet And the one good-for-nothing left standing grips a handgun and aims straight up, like he’s holding Jesus hostage, like he’s threatening maybe to blow a hole in the moon. And the good-for-nothing who got it to the head who tried to jump-kick me and the other good-for-nothing who got it in the gut is both scrambling back away from the dark figure before him. And the drunk man the JanitorMan is huddled in a corner, praying to Saint Anthony ‘cause that’s the only one he could remember. And there’s me, Eyes glowing white, cape blowing softly in the wind. Bulletporoof chest heaving. My heart beating right through it in a Morse code for “fuck with me, just once, come on, just try.” And the one good-for-nothing left standing, the one with the handgun, he laughs he lowers his arm, and he points it at me and gives the moon a break, and he aims it right between my pointy ears, like goalposts and he’s special teams. And JanitorMan is still calling Saint Anthony but he ain’t pickin’ up, And for a second it seems like…maybe I’m gonna lose. Naw. SHOO – SHOO! FUACATA! --“Don’t kill me man!” –“SNAP! – Wrist CRACK – Neck – SLASH! – Skin – meets – acid – “AHH!!” –And he’s on the floor. And I’m standing over him. And I got the gun in MY hands now. And I hate guns, I hate holding ‘em cause I’m Batman, and –Batman don’t like guns ‘cause his parents got iced by guns a long time ago – but for just a second, my eyes glow white, and I hold this thing, for I could speak to the good-for-nothing in a language he maybe understands…CLIC – CLIC…And the good-for-nothings become good-for-disappearing into whatever toxic-waste-chemical-sludge-shit-hole they crawled out of. And it’s just me and JanitorMan. And I pick him up. And I wipe sweat and cheap perfume off his forehead. And he begs me not to hurt him and I grab him tight by his JanitorMan shirt collar and I pull him to my face, and he’s taller than me, but the cape helps so he listens when I look him straight in the eyes and I say two words to him: “Go home.” And he does, checking behind his shoulder every ten feet. And I SWOOSH from building to building on his way there, ‘cause I know where he lives. And I watch his hands where he lives. And I watch his hands tremble as he pulls out his keychain and opens the door to his building. And I’m back in bed before he even walks in through the front door. And I hear him turn on the faucet and pour himself a glass of warm tap water And he puts the glass back in the sink. And I hear his footsteps, And they get slower as they get to my room. And he creaks my door open like mad slow. And he takes a step in, which he never does. And he’s staring off into nowhere, his face the color of sidewalks in summer, and I act like I’m just waking up, and I say, “What’s up, Pop?” And JanitorMan says nothing to me. But I see, in the dark, I see his arms go limp and his head turns back, like towards me, and he lifts it for I could see his face, For I could see his eyes, And his cheeks is dripping but not with sweat. And he just stands there, breathing, like he remembers my eyes glowing white. Like he remembers my bulletproof chest. Like he remembers he’s my pop. And for a long time I don’t say nothing. And he turns around, hand on the doorknob, and he ain’t looking up my way but I hear him mumble two words to me. “I’m sorry.” And I lean over and open my window just a crack.… If you look up high enough you could see me. And from where I am? I could hear everything.MATERI PERKULIAHAN Sub-CPMK 1.7 Mampu menghitung performa produksi (IP, FCR) dan melakukan Analisis Usaha Broiler per satu siklus produksi 1. IDENTITAS MATERI Mata Kuliah : Produksi Ternak Potong Unggas Komersil Pokok Bahasan : Evaluasi Performa Produksi dan Analisis Usaha Broiler Sub-CPMK : 1.7 Capaian Pembelajaran : Mahasiswa mampu: Menjelaskan parameter performa produksi broiler. Menghitung Feed Conversion Ratio (FCR). Menghitung Indeks Performa (IP). Menganalisis hasil performa produksi dalam satu siklus pemeliharaan. Menyusun analisis usaha broiler per satu siklus produksi. Menarik kesimpulan kelayakan usaha berdasarkan hasil teknis dan ekonomis. ________________________________________ 2. TUJUAN PEMBELAJARAN Setelah mengikuti perkuliahan ini, mahasiswa diharapkan mampu: Memahami konsep dasar evaluasi performa broiler. Mengidentifikasi data teknis yang dibutuhkan dalam perhitungan performa. Menghitung mortalitas, deplesi, bobot badan rata-rata, FCR, dan IP. Menghitung biaya produksi, penerimaan, keuntungan, dan efisiensi usaha broiler. Menganalisis hubungan antara performa teknis dengan hasil ekonomi usaha. ________________________________________ 3. DESKRIPSI MATERI Dalam usaha broiler modern, keberhasilan produksi tidak hanya diukur dari bobot panen, tetapi juga dari efisiensi penggunaan pakan, tingkat kematian, umur panen, serta keuntungan yang diperoleh per siklus. Oleh karena itu, diperlukan kemampuan untuk menghitung parameter teknis produksi seperti FCR dan IP, serta mengaitkannya dengan analisis usaha agar dapat diketahui apakah usaha berjalan efisien dan menguntungkan. ________________________________________ 4. POKOK-POKOK MATERI A. Konsep Dasar Evaluasi Performa Produksi Broiler 1. Pengertian Performa Produksi Performa produksi broiler adalah gambaran tingkat keberhasilan pemeliharaan ayam broiler selama satu periode/siklus pemeliharaan yang dinilai dari indikator teknis tertentu. 2. Parameter Utama Performa Produksi Parameter yang umum digunakan meliputi: Populasi awal DOC Jumlah ayam hidup saat panen Mortalitas (%) Deplesi (%) Umur panen (hari) Bobot badan rata-rata panen (kg/ekor) Total konsumsi pakan (kg) Feed Conversion Ratio (FCR) Indeks Performa (IP) ________________________________________ B. Parameter Teknis dan Rumus Perhitungan ________________________________________ 1. Mortalitas (%) Pengertian: Persentase ayam yang mati selama masa pemeliharaan. Rumus: "Mortalitas (%)"="Jumlah ayam mati" /"Populasi awal" ×100 Contoh: Populasi awal = 5.000 ekor Ayam mati = 150 ekor "Mortalitas"=150/5000×100=3% ________________________________________ 2. Deplesi (%) Pengertian: Persentase pengurangan populasi akibat kematian dan afkir/culling. Rumus: "Deplesi (%)"="Ayam mati + ayam afkir" /"Populasi awal" ×100 Jika tidak ada afkir, maka deplesi = mortalitas. ________________________________________ 3. Persentase Ayam Hidup / Livability (%) Rumus: "Livability (%)"="Jumlah ayam panen" /"Populasi awal" ×100 atau "Livability (%)"=100-"Deplesi (%)" ________________________________________ 4. Bobot Badan Rata-Rata Panen Rumus: "Bobot rata-rata (kg/ekor)"="Total bobot panen (kg)" /"Jumlah ayam panen (ekor)" ________________________________________ 5. Feed Conversion Ratio (FCR) Pengertian: FCR adalah rasio jumlah pakan yang dikonsumsi terhadap pertambahan bobot hidup atau bobot hidup yang dihasilkan. Rumus praktis broiler: "FCR"="Total konsumsi pakan (kg)" /"Total bobot hidup panen (kg)" Interpretasi: Semakin rendah nilai FCR, semakin efisien penggunaan pakan. Contoh: Total pakan = 16.000 kg Total bobot panen = 9.600 kg "FCR"=16.000/9.600=1,67 Interpretasi: Untuk menghasilkan 1 kg bobot hidup, dibutuhkan 1,67 kg pakan. ________________________________________ 6. Indeks Performa (IP) Pengertian: IP adalah indikator gabungan untuk menilai performa pemeliharaan broiler berdasarkan: daya hidup, bobot badan, umur panen, efisiensi pakan. Rumus umum IP: "IP"=("Livability (%)" ×"Bobot rata-rata (kg)" )/("Umur panen (hari)" ×"FCR" )×100 Contoh: Livability = 97% Bobot rata-rata = 2,0 kg Umur panen = 35 hari FCR = 1,67 "IP"=(97×2,0)/(35×1,67)×100 "IP"=194/58,45×100=331,9 Jadi, IP = 331,9 ________________________________________ C. Interpretasi Nilai FCR dan IP 1. Interpretasi FCR < 1,50 = sangat efisien 1,50 – 1,65 = efisien/baik 1,66 – 1,80 = cukup > 1,80 = kurang efisien Catatan: Nilai ini dapat berbeda tergantung strain, umur panen, sistem kandang, musim, dan standar perusahaan. ________________________________________ 2. Interpretasi IP (umum) > 400 = sangat baik / ممتاز 351 – 400 = baik 301 – 350 = cukup baik 251 – 300 = sedang < 250 = kurang Dalam praktik kemitraan, IP sering menjadi dasar evaluasi bonus performa. ________________________________________ 5. HUBUNGAN PARAMETER TEKNIS DENGAN KINERJA USAHA Performa teknis sangat menentukan keuntungan usaha broiler: FCR naik → biaya pakan meningkat → laba turun Mortalitas naik → ayam panen berkurang → penerimaan turun Bobot panen rendah → total kg jual turun → omzet turun Umur panen terlalu lama → biaya operasional naik → efisiensi turun IP tinggi → menunjukkan usaha lebih efisien dan berpotensi lebih menguntungkan ________________________________________ 6. ANALISIS USAHA BROILER PER SATU SIKLUS PRODUKSI A. Pengertian Analisis Usaha Analisis usaha broiler adalah perhitungan ekonomi untuk mengetahui: total biaya produksi, total penerimaan, pendapatan/keuntungan, efisiensi usaha, kelayakan usaha per satu siklus pemeliharaan. ________________________________________ B. Komponen Biaya Produksi 1. Biaya Tetap (Fixed Cost) Biaya yang relatif tidak berubah dalam satu siklus, misalnya: Penyusutan kandang Penyusutan peralatan Pajak/sewa lahan (jika dihitung) Bunga modal tetap (opsional) 2. Biaya Variabel (Variable Cost) Biaya yang berubah sesuai jumlah populasi, misalnya: DOC Pakan Obat, vitamin, vaksin (OVK) Sekam/litter Gas/LPG/bahan bakar brooder Listrik dan air Tenaga kerja Desinfektan dan sanitasi Biaya panen/angkut Biaya lain-lain operasional Catatan penting: Pada usaha broiler, pakan biasanya menyumbang 60–70% dari total biaya produksi. ________________________________________ 7. RUMUS ANALISIS USAHA 1. Total Biaya Produksi (TC) "TC"="Biaya Tetap"+"Biaya Variabel" ________________________________________ 2. Total Penerimaan (TR) Jika dijual berdasarkan bobot hidup: "TR"="Total bobot panen (kg)"×"Harga jual per kg" Jika ada penerimaan tambahan: "TR total"="Penjualan ayam"+"Penjualan kotoran"+"Penjualan karung pakan/bekas" ________________________________________ 3. Keuntungan / Pendapatan (π) π="TR"-"TC" ________________________________________ 4. R/C Ratio R/C="TR" /"TC" Kriteria: R/C > 1 → usaha menguntungkan R/C = 1 → impas R/C < 1 → usaha merugi ________________________________________ 5. B/C Ratio (opsional) B/C=("TR" -"TC" )/"TC" ________________________________________ 6. Harga Pokok Produksi (HPP) "HPP per kg"="Total biaya produksi" /"Total bobot panen (kg)" Interpretasi: Jika harga jual > HPP → usaha berpotensi untung. FAKTOR-FAKTOR YANG MEMPENGARUHI FCR, IP, DAN KEUNTUNGAN A. Faktor Teknis Kualitas DOC Mutu pakan Program brooding Kepadatan kandang Ventilasi dan suhu kandang Kualitas air minum Program vaksinasi dan biosekuriti Manajemen litter Ketepatan waktu panen B. Faktor Ekonomi Harga DOC Harga pakan Harga jual ayam hidup Biaya tenaga kerja Biaya energi (gas/listrik) Sistem usaha (mandiri vs kemitraan) STRATEGI MENINGKATKAN PERFORMA DAN KEUNTUNGAN Gunakan DOC berkualitas dan seragam Laksanakan brooding secara optimal (0–14 hari sangat krusial) Pastikan feed intake dan water intake normal Terapkan biosekuriti ketat Kurangi feed wastage Pantau bobot badan mingguan Lakukan culling selektif Tentukan umur panen berdasarkan kombinasi FCR, bobot, dan harga pasar Evaluasi performa tiap siklus dengan pencatatan lengkap Gunakan data historis untuk perbaikan keputusan produksi RANGKUMAN MATERI FCR menunjukkan efisiensi penggunaan pakan. Semakin kecil FCR, semakin baik. IP adalah indikator gabungan performa broiler yang mempertimbangkan: daya hidup, bobot panen, umur panen, efisiensi pakan. Analisis usaha broiler harus mengintegrasikan: aspek teknis (FCR, IP, mortalitas, bobot panen) aspek ekonomi (biaya, penerimaan, laba, R/C, HPP) Usaha broiler dinilai baik apabila: FCR efisien, mortalitas rendah, IP tinggi, HPP lebih rendah dari harga jual, R/C ratio > 1. PENUTUP Kemampuan menghitung FCR, IP, dan melakukan analisis usaha broiler per satu siklus produksi merupakan kompetensi penting dalam manajemen produksi broiler modern. Mahasiswa tidak hanya dituntut memahami teori, tetapi juga harus mampu membaca data produksi, melakukan perhitungan secara akurat, dan mengambil keputusan manajerial berbasis hasil analisis teknis-ekonomis. REFERENSI SINGKAT (untuk bahan ajar/RPS) North, M.O., & Bell, D.D. Commercial Chicken Production Manual. Leeson, S., & Summers, J.D. Commercial Poultry Nutrition. Bell, D.D., & Weaver, W.D. Commercial Chicken Meat and Egg Production. Saputra, dkk. Literatur manajemen broiler modern dan analisis usaha ternak unggas. Standar teknis perusahaan integrator/kemitraan broiler (CP, Japfa, Malindo, dll.) untuk benchmarking FCR dan IP. She went by the name of Belisa Crepusculario, not because she had been baptized with that name or given it by her mother, but because she herself had searched until she found the poetry of "beauty" and "twilight" and cloaked herself in it. She made her living selling words. She journeyed through the country from the high cold mountains to the burning coasts, stopping at fairs and in markets where she set up four poles covered by a canvas awning under which she took refuge from the sun and rain to minister to her customers. She did not have to peddle her merchandise because from having wandered far and near, everyone knew who she was. Some people waited for her from one year to the next, and when she appeared in the village with her bundle beneath her arm, they would form a line in front of her stall. Her prices were fair. For five centavos she delivered verses from memory, for seven she improved the quality of dreams, for nine she wrote love letters, for twelve she invented insults for irreconcilable enemies. She also sold stories, not fantasies but long, true stories she recited at one telling, never skipping a word. This is how she carried news from one town to another. People paid her to add a line or two: our son was born, so-and-so died, our children got married, the crops burned in the field. Wherever she went a small crowd gathered around to listen as she began to speak, and that was how they learned about each others' doings, about distant relatives, about what was going on in the civil war. To anyone who paid her fifty centavos in trade, she gave the gift of a secret word to drive away melancholy. It was not the same word for everyone, naturally, because that would have been collective dece it. Each person received his or her own word, with the assurance that no one else would use it that way in this universe or the Beyond. Belisa Crepusculario had been born into a family so poor they did not even have names to give their children. She came into the world and grew up in an inhospitable land where some years the rains became avalanches of water that bore everything away before them and others when not a drop fell from the sky and the sun swelled to fill the horizon and the world became a desert. Until she was twelve, Belisa had no occupation or virtue other than having withstood hunger and the exhaustion of centuries. During one interminable drought, it fell to her to bury four younger brothers and sisters, when she realized that her turn was next, she decided to set out across the 2 plains in the direction of the sea, in hopes that she might trick death along the way. The land was eroded, split with deep cracks, strewn with rocks, fossils of trees and thorny bushes, and skeletons of animals bleached by the sun. From time to time she ran into families who, like her, were heading south, following the mirage of water. Some had begun the march carrying their belongings on their back or in small carts, but they could barely move their own bones, and after a while they had to abandon their possessions. They dragged themselves along painfully, their skin turned to lizard hide and their eyes burned by the reverberating glare. Belisa greeted them with a wave as she passed, but she did not stop, because she had no strength to waste in acts of compassion. Many people fell by the wayside, but she was so stubborn that she survived to cross through that hell and at long last reach the first trickles of water, fine, almost invisible threads that fed spindly vegetation and farther down widened into small streams and marshes. Belisa Crepusculario saved her life and in the process accidentally discovered writing. In a village near the coast, the wind blew a page of newspaper at her feet. She picked up the brittle yellow paper and stood a long while looking at it, unable to determine its purpose, until curiosity overcame her shyness. She walked over to a man who was washing his horse in the muddy pool where she had quenched her thirst. "What is this?" she asked. "The sports page of the newspaper," the man replied, concealing his surprise at her ignorance. The answer astounded the girl, but she did not want to seem rude, so she merely inquired about the significance of the fly tracks scattered across the page. "Those are words, child. Here it says that Fulgencio Barba knocked out El Negro Tiznao in the third round." That was the day Belisa Crepusculario found out that words make their way in the world without a master, and that anyone with a little cleverness can appropriate them and do business with them. She made a quick assessment of her situation and concluded that aside from becoming a prostitute or working as a servant in the kitchens of the rich there were few occupations she was qualified for. It seemed to her that selling words would be an honorable alternative. From that moment on, she worked at that profession, and was never tempted by any other. At the beginning, she offered her merchandise unaware that words could be written outside of newspapers. When she learned otherwise, she calculated the infinite possibilities of her trade and with her savings paid a priest twenty pesos to teach her to read and write, with her three 3 remaining coins she bought a dictionary. She poured over it from A to Z and then threw it into the sea, because it was not her intention to defraud her customers with packaged words. One August morning several years later, Belisa Crepusculario was sitting in her tent in the middle of a plaza, surrounded by the uproar of market day, selling legal arguments to an old man who had been trying for sixteen years to get his pension. Suddenly she heard yelling and thudding hoofbeats. She looked up from her writing and saw, first, a cloud of dust, and then a band of horsemen come galloping into the plaza. They were the Colonel's men, sent under orders of El Mulato, a giant known throughout the land for the speed of his knife and his loyalty to his chief. Both the Colonel and El Mulato had spent their lives fighting in the civil war, and their names were ineradicably linked to devastation and calamity. The rebels swept into town like a stampeding herd, wrapped in noise, bathed in sweat, and leaving a hurricane of fear in their trail. Chickens took wing, dogs ran for their lives, women and children scurried out of sight, until the only living soul left in the market was Belisa Crepusculario. She had never seen El Mulato and was surprised to see him walking toward her. "I'm looking for you," he shouted, pointing his coiled whip at her, even before the words were out, two men rushed her -- knocking over her canopy and shattering her inkwell -- bound her hand and foot, and threw her like a sea bag across the rump of El Mulato's mount. Then they thundered off toward the hills. Hours later, just as Belisa Crepusculario was near death, her heart ground to sand by the pounding of the horse, they stopped, and four strong hands set her down. She tried to stand on her feet and hold her head high, but her strength failed her and she slumped to the ground, sinking into a confused dream. She awakened several hours later to the murmur of night in the camp, but before she had time to sort out the sounds, she opened her eyes and found herself staring into the impatient glare of El Mulato, kneeling beside her. "Well, woman, at last you've come to," he said. To speed her to her senses, he tipped his canteen and offered her a sip of liquor laced with gunpowder. She demanded to know the reason for such rough treatment, and El Mulato explained that the Colonel needed her services. He allowed her to splash water on her face, and then led her to the far end of the camp where the most feared man in all the land was lazing in a hammock strung between two trees. She could not see his face, because he lay in the deceptive shadow of the leaves and the indelible shadow of all his years as a bandit, but she imagined from the way his 4 gigantic aide addressed him with such humility that he must have a very menacing expression. She was surprised by the Colonel's voice, as soft and well-modulated as a professor's. "Are you the woman who sells words?" he asked. "At your service," she stammered, peering into the dark and trying to see him better. The Colonel stood up, and turned straight toward her. She saw dark skin and the eyes of a ferocious puma, and she knew immediately that she was standing before the loneliest man in the world. "I want to be President," he announced. The Colonel was weary of riding across that godforsaken land, waging useless wars and suffering defeats that no subterfuge could transform into victories. For years he had been sleeping in the open air, bitten by mosquitoes, eating iguanas and snake soup, but those minor inconveniences were not why he wanted to change his destiny. What truly troubled him was the terror he saw in people's eyes. He longed to ride into a town beneath a triumphal arch with bright flags and flowers everywhere, he wanted to be cheered, and be given newly laid eggs and freshly baked bread. Men fled at the sight of him, children trembled, and women miscarried from fright, he had had enough, and so he had decided to become President. El Mulato had suggested that they ride to the capital, gallop up to the Palace, and take over the government, the way they had taken so many other things without anyone's permission. The Colonel, however, did not want to be just another tyrant, there had been enough of those before him and, besides, if he did that, he would never win people's hearts. It was his aspiration to win the popular vote in the December elections. "To do that, I have to talk like a candidate. Can you sell me the words for a speech?" the Colonel asked Belisa Crepusculario. She had accepted many assignments, but none like this. She did not dare refuse, fearing that El Mulato would shoot her between the eyes, or worse still, that the Colonel would burst into tears. There was more to it than that, however, she felt the urge to help him because she felt a throbbing warmth beneath her skin, a powerful desire to touch that man, to fondle him, to clasp him in her arms. All night and a good part of the following day, Belisa Crepusculario searched her repertory for words adequate for a presidential speech, closely watched by El Mulato, who could not take his eyes from her firm wanderer's legs and virginal breasts. She discarded harsh, cold words, words 5 that were too flowery, words worn from abuse, words that offered improbable promises, untruthful and confusing words, until all she had left were words sure to touch the minds of men and women's intuition. Calling upon the knowledge she had purchased from the priest for twenty pesos, she wrote the speech on a sheet of paper and then signaled El Mulato to untie the rope that bound her ankles to a tree. He led her once more to the Colonel, and again she felt the throbbing anxiety that had seized her when she first saw him. She handed him the paper and waited while he looked at it, holding it gingerly between thumbs and fingertips. "What the shit does this say," he asked finally. "Don't you know how to read?" "War's what I know," he replied. She read the speech aloud. She read it three times, so her client could engrave it on his memory. When she finished, she saw the emotion in the faces of the soldiers who had gathered round to listen, and saw that the Colonel's eyes glittered with enthusiasm, convinced that with those words the presidential chair would be his. "If after they've heard it three times, the boys are still standing there with their mouths hanging open, it must mean the thing's damn good, Colonel" was El Mulato's approval. "All right, woman. How much do I owe you?" the leader asked. "One peso, Colonel." "That's not much," he said, opening the pouch he wore at his belt, heavy with proceeds from the last foray. "The peso entitles you to a bonus. I'm going to give you two secret words," said Belisa Crepusculario. "What for?" She explained that for every fifty centavos a client paid, she gave him the gift of a word for his exclusive use. The Colonel shrugged. He had no interest at all in her offer, but he did not want to be impolite to someone who had served him so well. She walked slowly to the leather stool where he was sitting, and bent down to give him her gift. The man smelled the scent of a mountain cat issuing from the woman, a fiery heat radiating from her hips, he heard the terrible whisper of her hair, and a breath of sweetmint murmured into his ear the two secret words that were his alone. "They are yours, Colonel," she said as she stepped back. "You may use them as much as you 6 please." El Mulato accompanied Belisa to the roadside, his eyes as entreating as a stray dog's, but when he reached out to touch her, he was stopped by an avalanche of words he had never heard before; believing them to be an irrevocable curse, the flame of his desire was extinguished. During the months of September, October, and November the Colonel delivered his speech so many times that had it not been crafted from glowing and durable words it would have turned to ash as he spoke. He travelled up and down and across the country, riding into cities with a triumphal air, stopping in even the most forgotten villages where only the dump heap betrayed a human presence, to convince his fellow citizens to vote for him. While he spoke from a platform erected in the middle of the plaza, El Mulato and his men handed out sweets and painted his name on all the walls in gold frost. No one paid the least attention to those advertising ploys; they were dazzled by the clarity of the Colonel's proposals and the poetic lucidity of his arguments, infected by his powerful wish to right the wrongs of history, happy for the first time in their lives. When the Candidate had finished his speech, his soldiers would fire their pistols into the air and set off firecrackers, and when finally they rode off, they left behind a wake of hope that lingered for days on the air, like the splendid memory of a comet's tail. Soon the Colonel was the favorite. No one had ever witnessed such a phenomenon: a man who surfaced from the civil war, covered with scars and speaking like a professor, a man whose fame spread to every corner of the land and captured the nation's heart. The press focused their attention on him. Newspapermen came from far away to interview him and repeat his phrases, and the number of his followers and enemies continued to grow. "We're doing great, Colonel," said El Mulato, after twelve successful weeks of campaigning. But the Candidate did not hear. He was repeating his secret words, as he did more and more obsessively. He said them when he was mellow with nostalgia; he murmured them in his sleep; he carried them with him on horseback; he thought them before delivering his famous speech; and he caught himself savoring them in his leisure time. And every time he thought of those two words, he thought of Belisa Crepusculario, and his senses were inflamed with the memory of her feral scent, her fiery heat, the whisper of her hair, and her sweetmint breath in his ear, until he began to go around like a sleepwalker, and his men realized that he might die before he ever sat in the presidential chair. "What's got hold of you, Colonel," El Mulato asked so often that finally one day his chief broke 7 down and told him the source of his befuddlement: those two words that were buried like two daggers in his gut. "Tell me what they are and maybe they'll lose their magic," his faithful aide suggested. "I can't tell them, they're for me alone," the Colonel replied. Saddened by watching his chief decline like a man with a death sentence on his head, El Mulato slung his rifle over his shoulder and set out to find Belisa Crepusculario. He followed her trail through all that vast country, until he found her in a village in the far south, sitting under her tent reciting her rosary of news. He planted himself, spraddle-legged, before her, weapon in hand. "You! You're coming with me," he ordered. She had been waiting. She picked up her inkwell, folded the canvas of her small stall, arranged her shawl around her shoulders, and without a word took her place behind El Mulato's saddle. They did not exchange so much as a word in all the trip; El Mulato's desire for her had turned into rage, and only his fear of her tongue prevented his cutting her to shreds with his whip. Nor was he inclined to tell her that the Colonel was in a fog, and that a spell whispered into his ear had done what years of battle had not been able to do. Three days later they arrived at the encampment, and immediately, in view of all the troops, El Mulato led his prisoner before the Candidate. "I brought this witch here so you can give her back her words, Colonel," El Mulato said, pointing the barrel of his rifle at the woman's head. "And then she can give you back your manhood." The Colonel and Belisa Crepusculario stared at each other, measuring one another from a distance. The men knew then that their leader would never undo the witchcraft of those accursed words, because the whole world could see the voracious-puma eyes soften as the woman walked to him and took his hand in hers. Copyright © 1989 by Isabel Allende From The Stories of Eva Luna, Translated by Margaret Sayers PedenChicken?chickenchicken inns Chicken Meat Parts